I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Randomize
