anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
