put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
