Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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