Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
