I got chris browned last night
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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