My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
