Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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