reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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