It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
