They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
