I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
