I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
