I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone came in the potted fern
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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