I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
