how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
