For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
