just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
