She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
