Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
