We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
