is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
