This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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