So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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