I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
