life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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