booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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