a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
