The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
