I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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