around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
