He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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