I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
