the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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