I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
