someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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