We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
