he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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