and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My dick has a subreddit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
