All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
