nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
