just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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