and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
