but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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