yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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