Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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