There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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