It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
