I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When are your genitals available?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
