smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i barfeds in our rink
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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