Dual....:-)
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
