I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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