we're blogging at a bar
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
