Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
