Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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