i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
