Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i barfeds in our rink
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
