It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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