just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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