he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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