Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
