I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
