she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
