Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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