i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
