the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
