Pants 0. Shit 1.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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