Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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