as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i love accidental penises.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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