yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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