i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
