I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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