i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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