I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
