I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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