Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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