Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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