he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
