I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
