He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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