get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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