every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
