I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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